You know you get defensive. You know shutting down makes things worse. You know that when your wife tells you she is hurt, immediately explaining your intentions usually does not create the connection you want. You may have done therapy, read the books, listened to...
A lot of men I work with walk away from difficult conversations with their wives feeling completely misunderstood. They explained what happened, clarified what they meant, and corrected the parts of the story that weren’t accurate. Yet somehow, the more they...
“How can I run a company, manage a crisis, solve incredibly complex problems, and somehow not be able to figure this out with my wife?” I hear some version of this regularly. A large percentage of the men I work with are highly successful executives, physicians,...
A lot of men think emotional intelligence means getting better at talking about feelings. “I’m frustrated.” “I’m overwhelmed.” “I need some space.” That can be part of it. But emotional intelligence isn’t how much emotion you express. It’s your ability to recognize...
A lot of men are getting very good at using therapeutic language to defend themselves. “I’m setting a boundary.” “I need to protect my peace.” “I’m not available for this conversation.” Sometimes those are healthy boundaries. And sometimes they’re defensiveness with...
There's a moment in almost every hard conversation when something in you goes quiet. Maybe your voice trails off. Maybe you say "I don't know" even though you do; you just can't find it. Maybe you leave the room, or you stay in the room but disappear behind your own...